"same but not the same person"

it's been a while i leave my blog alone, dusty, not update..mm..there's a lot of things that have change in my life..especially about "HIM". only God knows how does it feel to be broken inside for the second time. it is not easy to love and to be love. when i see him, he is still him, but will never be the same person as i see him before.. SAD ENDING. but i know there is a reason behind the things that happened.. now, i'm MOVING ON.. i will remember u always, M. u r one of the best memory that i ever have in my life. i am happy for you. even though it's not me right beside you.. i just want you to know, the love that i gave you before was sincerely, deeply from the bottom of my heart.. goodbye MEMORIES~

THINKING TOO MUCH

sometimes, i just love to be alone.. lying on my bed.. thinking about future..about myself..about anything..everything..and sometimes my mind just empty..don't know what is it playing inside my head..sometimes it is about regret..sometimes it is about happiness..sometimes it is about life..sometimes it is about death..sometimes i am somebody, but then i am nobody...maybe its just me who THINKING TOO MUCH.

anganku.. imaginasiku.. ilusinasiku.. wwooooo yyeeaahhh~

pasti saja kalian yang berada di luar sana punya angan-angan, keinginan, kemahuan, kehendak dan segala cita-cita. ilusi tentang sesuatu yang ingin digapai. di GRAB bak kata orang PUTEH. huhuhu. begitu juga aku, lebih-lebih lagi i'm a women. 9 NAFSU kan.. hahah. women have so much things in their mind. they can think about 10 things in one time. wanita so cool.. whoaahh!! hehe.. <--- proud to be WOMEN. ok, back to the MAIN POINT. ANGANKU. as a women, of course i want to be the best for myself. for my family. MESTI. for my beloved one.. ukk ukk.. paling slalu di angan-angan kan.. haha.. GATAL! aku memang kuat berhalusinasi. kotak mindaku menjana idea sebanyak yang mungkin dalam mencipta ilusi yang memuaskan perasaanku sendiri. setiap apa yang tidak dapat dicapai dalam realiti, dipindahkan ke dunia fantasiku. kadang terasa indah dan bahagia daripada dunia sebenar. namun, WE HAVE TO WATCH OUT. bahaya jugak kalau kuat berimaginasi. takut perasan jadi sailormoon la pulak nanti. banyak sangat angan2. hihi. now, below are the lists and descriptions about angan, imaginasi, ilusi:-

1. ROMANTIC MOMENT WITH LOVER

whoaahh!! *wink* *wink*. shy~~ XD i really want be the perfect half for my lover. hem.. walking on the beach waiting for sunset.. holding each others hand.. i'm wearing a white beach dress.. transparent a bit.. to look sexy of course.. hahah!! wavy hair~ we staring at each other eyes.. piggy back.. pampered biting on his ears.. whisper softly "U ARE MY SOULMATE" and kiss his neck.. so romantic! who says i'm not ROMANTIC~ hahahah!! it is easy to express in words than verbally.. i know~ sigh~ continue.. then we lay on the beach.. we talk about "US". only us on that moment.. i put my head on his chest.. listen to his heart.. sounds like stub stub stub!! haha. joking. lol! i just want to be the only one who knows his heart.. the best women  for him.. i really mean it.. actually i'm a weak partner.. i'm not good in expressing my feeling.. i'm a little girl who are very tiny and shy.. DAMN.. i must change.. be more CONFIDENT!! BETTER LOVER!! i hope so.. :)))

2. FOREVERYOUNG 

young FOREVER!! enjoy this life without damn care about RULES, WHAT-SO-EVER BARRIERS. go EVERYWHERE. be ANYONE. do ANYTHING. grab EVERYTHING. no need to please everyone. just do what ever we WANT!! cool!! have so much fun with FRIENDS. GF.BF.BFF.GFF. no need to lined up!! no need to wait up!! hahahaa!! SO GREAT TO BE YOUNG FOREVER! make a mistake then apologize, then repeat the mistake again. that's what we call young. a youth never know how is it the old man think and feel. but an old man is guilty if they forget how is it to be YOUNG.  i always dream of it. but the REALITY, we all going to get old. it's just an imagination of mine. happy to be YOUNG. afraid when thinking about the future. WHO AM I GOING TO BE. INSYAALLAH, a GREAT WOMEN. :))

3. THE PERFECT WOMEN ON EARTH

every women must have a dream to become the most perfect one from what ever aspect. beautiful face, shining hair, perfect body shape, flawless skin, big eyes, stylish, and etc.. so do I. it's not that i'm not be grateful with myself. DREAMS you know. it can be ANYTHING. :) we dream about something that sometimes we ourselves know it cannot be achieve. just love to DREAM. I want to be a PERFECT WOMEN BADLY. beautiful face without pimple of course. hourglass body shape. skin without any scar. but i do have a scar. accident. sad but what to do. naturally wavy hair. because it looks sexy.. mine is straight hair. father's gen. hehe. red lips.. fashionable.. admired by man out there. hahaha!! my bf going to kill me after he read this. :D then, come to PERFECT LOVER, PERFECT DAUGHTER, PERFECT FRIEND, PERFECT WIFE, PERFECT IN
EVERY ASPECT. i also always dream to become a model. but me?? miss petite. it would never happen.. hahaha!! sad actually huuu..

PERFECT SHAPE

PERFECT LIPS

PERFECT SKIN

PERFECT LOVER

PERFECT EYES

lastly, the TRUTH

that's all for tonight.. i want to have a sweet dream~ xoxo

it's all about SUNSET :)

me & mom

aunty & her boyfie

moommm

capture the captured :D

mine & mom :)

life is SHORT

Yup. life is SHORT. we never know when we all going to die. sooner or later, all we have to do are get prepared. i want to die in peace and IMAN.. don't waste our time, playing around without thinking about the future.. what is our future planning? who are we going to be? where are we going to stand? we ourselves got the answer. we ourselves that going to create the life story till the end.. appreciate our life..

this is so true..

SOMETHING IN MY MIND

i can't sleep.. don't know why.. tonight, urmm... not night actually. it's already early in the morning.. lately, i'm thinking too much.. 1st, FAMILY. 2nd, MYSELF. 3rd, MY LOVER. okay, begin with the most important persons in my life.

FAMILY

i always worried about them. i'm afraid that i can't accomplish my life goal. i'm their first hope. well, our financial conditions also not as GOOD as others. i really want to have a successful life. happy life.. when you get home, there is a BRIGHT SMILE on their LIPS. i want it damn much!! it just me.. the one that is too weakk!! why i can't do better? what's wrong with me? i don't have a brain damage. i'm healthy!! i'm just weak..  pleasee.. mom, dad, lil bro.. wait for kakak to graduate, get a job, earn money, but a house, buy a car, and anything or everything or all the things that you all ever wanted in your dreams.. i will try to turns all of your fantasy become reality.. I LOVE U ALL..

MYSELF

i'm A PERSON who is lack of CONFIDENT. i love to talk with others. chit chat. get along. but when it's about speaking in ENGLISH, ohh myy enggliisshhh. it is sucks man.. you can see it from here guys.. maybe i'm too careful. afraid to make mistake. afraid that people will laugh at me and says, "TEROK, TAK PAYAHLAH KO SPEAKING" or "YOU SOUNDS STUPID".. on the spot, i'm going to bury myself maybe.. hahha.. hem.. sad actually.. but i will not give up. i will learn to become a great speaker. hopefully.. huahuahua.. i love ENGLISH. it's just me, lack of confident.. help me guys.. i'm begging.. huuu... speaking is my greatest fear in UNIVERSITY for now.. hoho..

MY LOVE ONE

owkk tedah.. when i'm thinking about my man, i will feel pity for him.. you all want to know why? it is because he always wanted a very romantic date with me. but i'm barely have it with him. it's not that i'm not a ROMANTICOO LADDYY~ i'm just shy with the other people around us.. the eyes that staring at us.. and most important reason is, i have broken my heart badly before.. my exbf is totally errffhhhh!!!!! i'm become afraid to give 100% of me to him. sorry yayang.. please be patience.. i am romantic. it's bullshit that i'm not romantic. i really want to hold your hands all the times when we are together. hug you from the back.. and you kiss my forehead.. i really want it.. just wait k sayang..slow2~ hheehhee..

I'M WEAKKKK!!!

sometimes, i just want to give up this life... day by day, i'm falling apart.. what's wrong with my FAMILY... PLEASE STAY STRONG.. YOU ARE MY SOUL.. FAMILY... ;"(((